Hi. You’re quiet. It’s been two days and one night of such torture. Pray tell me what motion or notion of my doing sparked such response. I have been aware of your presence since the last night. Is it the Canadian? Ah, but it’s becoming a matter of habit to draw words out of me for your own sake! Flint’s pint! I am not in agreement to such methods, my dear. Why, I ask, am I always subjected your judgement; as it is that you’re an existence of my making? Do I not have the freedom to wish for my genitals and liver as I desire? I have been in possession of these faculties by two decades and a half. I assure you there was never a moment either rebelled nor raised an alarm to signal objection. Piss off!!! The Canadian had it coming…

Listen, my dear. You observe the elephant from one side. I can tell you, in shame, that she was not quite the first experience. I must confess to the employment of an inappropriate application called Tinder. This tool is of the devil’s making. By Gar! The women of fair skin and silky hair from the far lands use this tool to hunt down and prey on men with inappropriate hair like mine, when they visit. Remarkable but quite elementary. Fun, too. Perhaps you’ve indulged in secret observations of my weaknesses. If indeed you did, then you surely know I am better at cooking anything but lies. Dear me, the noose gets quite tight about my neck! It’s a requirement to lie in order to please these ladies. I have sworn by the gods that I am only a tradesman of weed. Imagine then when I told the Canadian I wouldn’t drink because of a girl and I am a research assistant at the university. Perhaps I ought to have considered her Latina bloodline. I only wish you were there to observe then you’d surely pardon my drinking. I have seen no such fury and I assure you the devil would drink too.

Now of course I agree that I had no business attending her Saturday party. Whatever was to become of me that night? Curiosity I suppose is the slave of the Grim Reaper. Perhaps Curiosity merely lured the cat to the traps laid by Death; let’s reconsider passing judgement upon Curiosity. Ah, I am in my own defense here not Curiosity’s. Indeed it was Curiosity who tricked me back to the Canadian’s dominion. If my memory is to be relied on – and I advise against this – then I suppose it was about this moment that you showed up. I was still distracted by your presence when she propositioned. I believe there’s no proper act a man can put forth to turn down a lady. I say this with utmost certainty because I have scraped the depths of reality and fiction and found nothing. I hit blank. I drunk again! I deleted Tinder! I drunk more!!! Now judge me or piss off!!!

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